Me Fabulous Me!

Okay like I said before I redid my hair! and when I was taking pictures of myself..he he he I got a cool shot of my eyes!

Thursday night movies!

Okay tonight the first thing that I watched was Down With love!
I actually enjoyed this move! Well it did have Owen McGregor in it after all! The music and Dancing and costumes and the plot twist at the end made it very enjoyable to watch! The colors were vivid and intoxicating and made me want to live in the 60s just so I could wear such fabulous outfits! Oh and of course the hilarious hidden sex nuances in it just topped it off! And a more than satisfying special feature collection!

The second movie I watched was Alex and Emma!
Not quite as good as del but It held its own ground! I am a fan of both Kate Hudson and Luke Wilson however I was disappointed in Kates hair! ha she doesnt quite look as stunning as a brunette! but the plot again held its own! and of course the sappy happy ending was good! I would watch it again if it were to come on t.v. but I dont think I would rent it in the near future! oh and the DVD intro music is hauntling like a b rated porn from the 70s, however if you let it go long enough you get this beautiful music reminiscent of the 40s! No special features either!

The Third movie I watched was The incredible Mrs Ritchie!
Oh my GOD... I cant stop crying... This was such a wonderful heart wrenching story! I think It was a showtime movie and was not at the theaters! It was such and incredible character driven cast and the plot was so magical and moving! I would recomend this movie to anyone who needs a good cry! Gena rowlands was astonishing as usual in it! The special features were minimal!

My car doesnt quite fit!

Okay as I was driving my car today I realised that I dont really fit my car.. my lifestyle doesnt really fit my car.. okay I drive a toyota solara.. luxury nice car! however im not luxury nor do I live the luxury life! however I do appricate the looks and stares and people thinking Im luxury.. that is until I step out of the car! Im so punk.. I wear converse shoes and as of today have red chunks in my hair.. along with my baggy pants and dog collar like arm band I dont quite fit.. oh well enough of that rant.. I got to watch down with love today! actually I watch at least one movie a day so I may as well start putting them in here and put a little commentary on what I liked about it! not a bad Idea! wow Im so fabulous! I cant help but think that perhaps I may become a more interesting person after all! woo hooo... oh heres a picture of the loveley car! hmm it does look better in this photograph!
CLICK HERE FOR PHOTO!

another day another day another day.....

ughh what to do with this pathetic boring life of mine... hmmm 3 weeks and Im going nuts! although Im not totally prepared to delve into the wonderful world of quadratic equasions I could use the 3 weeks to brush up some more! and now Ive totally been thinking polotics and having liveley debates with my oh so democratic father! He absolutley dispises the fact that Im a republican and perhaps thats what drives me to be one in the first place! Ughh what we do to irritate those we have grevences with! oh what I wouldnt give for a nice piece of cheesecake with a huge clop of vanilla bryers to top it off! I just realized that my life is so drab that I absoulutley got extatic about a new vacuum.. how old am I again! Now I know that I am just a exponential person but my life is such a lack of anything in that realm...Im off to watch movies now.. the girl next door... can we guess who picked that one out? Now last week when I was watching goodbye lenin and got nothing but wines.. why is it in subtitles , what are you watching.. ughhh Im a well rounded person who needs a well rounded life! all I have to do Is get there!

where am I

Well ive been tired drained and just down right out of it... I awoke to the police at my house the other morning and was forced to kick my cousin out! ughh dont even want to go there... I am going to b and n more often then usual... attemptning anyways to catch up on my math skills or lack there of. its day 28 of my cycle and I have had some brown discharce the past few days and now today it was a bit lighter than usual so im guessing af will rear her ugly face any day now in full force! im most likely going to spend the day sleeping and then awake only to cook dinner and watch some t.v then back to sleep again for me! lol..wow I live a boring life.. cant wait for school to start..im sure ill regret saying that later when theres so much damn homework im stressed to the core... mtv is playing all the same songs tonight! at least there not rap or rb... woo hoo plthhhhhhhh
okay feeling nausious tired and ready to attempt sleep and pray that this is not the flu coming... ughh i hate that feeling!!

Ovulation maybe?

I know have been mia for a while... just tired, sick stressed you name it... my temps went up though and my cervix seems high so i dont know... its just wait and see puddin now! in other news we found a house that i want.. i totally love it.. it has 2 living rooms a mini bar built in televisions.. the works... and what a shocker... my dad said that he would give me my trust fund early! woo hoo we just need the courts permission to sell the house and were set... oh and its beautiful up there... red barns,horses, cows, a cidermill its basically farm land! oh I pray we get in soon!

Okay what..... IFV.....

Well my docs office called this am and they say I have to wait 3 months before he will let me try again! and then the nurse went on to say that before my 3rd cycle i need to come in and talk about my ivf options... WTF.... I didnt know I was doing IVF ... is my doc not letting me continue on the gonal f because I hyperstimulated or what! I really want some answers! Im so frustrated...dont you have to be on the same drugs to do ivf... so the same risk would apply... ughhhhh I totally trust God and know he is going to allow me to get pg whichever way he feels but damn that came as a shocker!

Good day

I am officially finished with my school stuff! all I have now is orientation on the 21 and then start on the 7th of september! phew.. good to have that done! not much else new! I had a good time at bible study! Learned alot! its definetley time to pick up the bible again! Im sertainly no reading it enough! I do need to thank God more often for what I do have! I know if I stay faithfull he will heal my womb and bless me with a child! I forgot to temp today and check my mucus.. bad bad brie! looks like we need to to the bd today too as yesterday we didnt.. im not taking any chances!
that will be fun!!

Concert wowes!

Okay so I was really excited about the clint black concert tonight! I went thinking that this would help me forget everything and have a night of fun! well I was wrong.. first I saw so many pregnant women there and I was okay with that untill I saw this one about 8 months along walking by chugging a beer not just a regular beer but a big beer like in a 2 foot glass! ughh I was upset by that.. here I am trying to get pg and here she is doing her best to ruin her baby the good thing she had! ughhhh and then Clint black I gotta love him but was talking about how great is was being a dad and about their daughter and then did a few songs about parents! it just depressed me even more! so here I am complaining and what not! okay thats my vent for today! nothing else needed!

New day! same shit! ughh

well another day full of sleeping... ug this anemia sucks! anyways my temp was even higher today almost 99 and thats so high for me.. I wonder if im getting the flu or something.. I was nausious after dinner and threw up everything.. elch okay ice cream vomit not the best coming back up! then my wonderful husband was so doting on me.. Its just great! I am so blessed to have a husband like Tom! I couldnt ask for someone better.. which is why i guess that its so hard when we are such a loving couple have the ability and finantial stability to have a child, and we go through such hard time getting there.. It would be so awesome if I could just get pg on my own.. that why these temps are totally freaking me out! I had some ewcm on the last day of bleeding and now my temps are high.. okay when Im not on drugs I have a cycle nearly every 2 weeks.. so logic says that you ov 14 days before your next cycle and if my cycle was say 18 days in length I very well could have ovulated while still bleeding... Ive never had mucus like that while on my period very very strange indeed plus the high temps... it all looks like i could have ovulated.. well and we did the deed too.. like 4 times already this week.. woo hooo.. cant complain in that dept.. its been great too... orgasm every time.. yipee! hope it stays this way... I must say that the mc has made me love tommy even more that I already did.. he was so supportive and sensitive to the whole thing! I am truly blessed! Well its officially the weekend and well see how it goes from there! hope I figure out whats going on.. I at least should get to talk to the doc next week so some answers would be nice!
well I have nothing more to say.. wow that utterly something I dont say that often..lol I better take advantage of it and leave it at that!

What a day!

Okay so I totally missed my appointment at school today! this damn anemia is making it hard to wake up and I didnt even remember I had it... he called but I was to tired to get the phone and so I finally woke up and called Him and he was pissed! I feel so bad but what can I do... I didnt even say I had slept in no I said that my dog ran into the glass door! funny but not so true! ughh Im horrible.. but man the next time I have an appt Im putting it in my phone schedule!

okay so we got to have funnnn last night and this morning my temp was 98.1 which is high for me.. in fact my temps have been quite high this cycle!

could I really be ovulating early this cycle! what and awesome blessing that would be.. just to ovulate period!

Back to shcool!

Well I went and enrolled in school today! Im very excited I feel like its something that God wanted me to do! I was planning on doing it before the pregnancy but once I got pregnant I realized the truth was that I wasnt going to! so I went and the good news is that I have no payment due till I graduate! sept 2006... so far away yet so close! oh im cheesie! one day I can actually get paid to do what I love.. I cant wait till I delve into linux cgi and perl! woo hoo... I feel like as a christian I am able to see why God does what he does and I am begening to see the good that has come from the miscarriage.. the support base here we didnt know we had.. the Infertility group I joined! wow! what a blessing! and now school! I bet that now that Im seeing things clearer..(. wow look at my spelling..) and doing what God wants me to do he will heal my womb and allow me to get pregnant! on that note... I am not bleeding anymore.. a very short bleeding cycle being that it was a miscarriage and all but Im hopoing that its a good sign! Hmm I just got deja vu.. did I say this already..? I had a pretty normal temp this morning and on day 5 my clearplan wanted a stick.. I know thats way to early so Im going to wait untill I at least have some good mucus there! know what I mean! those sticks are so damn expensive! okay that amish show is on now and Im for some odd reason totally getting into it! got to go watch!

Lets Begin!

Well Ive decided to blog! I dont even know where to start on my journey so Ill start from the begening!

Tom and I want more than anything to start a family! We were trying and trying and finally went to the doctor and said hey.. somethings up!
First they tested Tom via a SA and that came back fine! then they did an hsg on me and that came back fine! so I was revered to my ob for further testing... He concluded that I had whats called anovulatory cycles! meaning that I have periods I just dont ovulate!
Yeah we finally had an answer to our problem.. something we thought was going to be easily fixable! boy were we wrong.
first step, clomid 50 mg! I was so excited I was sure it would work.. but ultrasound after ultrasound blood work after blood work it never worked. I went all the way up to 150 mg! we even tried adding estrogen to the process! we temped we did everything we were supposed to! So my ob finally said to me.. there was nothing he could do and I needed to see a Reproductive Endocromologist!

Well after the month wait to get it I got to see Dr Brinton! he reviewed my chart and immediatly thought I had PCOS. so he put me on metformin... did bloodwork and said take this and we will wait for the bloodwork to come back! well I took the metformin and I was miserable.. I was literally coming out both ends! I couldnt stand it! so at my next appoitment I told the doc I was miserable! he said that my blood work came back and I did not have pcos and the it was fine for me to discontinue the met! SO I asked whats next! He said He wanted me to try FSH or whats known as Gonal - F! we started out at 2 75 amps a day and on day 10 i would have an ultrasoind and low and behold again I didnt grow enough follies.. so he uped my dose for 3 days to 3 amps a day! again they didnt grow! so for the next couple of days I was switched over to bravelle and repronex mixed! I went in for the u/s and I did it.. I had mature follies! so that day I got my trigger of hcg to drop the eggs and we were told to go home and have FUN! if you know what I mean! well sadly even though I did ovulate I didnt concieve! I did however get moderate hyperstimulation and was put on bedrest for a week!

I was a bit overwhelmed at the whole thing so I decided to take a break! well in June we decided it was time to try again.. the whole city was out of bravelle so we went back to gonal-f ! we however upped the dose to 225 a day and added 75 repronex to that! my first ultrasound came back that I was growing a ton of follies and we needed to cut the repronex and lower the gonal f! so we did and my second u/s came back good I had 5 follies! we triggered and were told to do the babydance!
well again I overstimulated! only this time it didnt get better it got worse! and the reason for that was we were PREGNANT! I didnt care about how much pain I was in it was all worth it to me! We did it we were going to have our family! well the ohss got worse and I needed to be hospitalised! I needed to have fluid pumped into me! while I was there they put me on heparin shots but only after 2 days of being there! the ohss slowly was getting worse.. the dilotted did help the pain but it made me very tired! well they rechecked my beta and instead of doubling again it dropped! I went from 189 to 105 in 2 days! I knew right away that it was over! but the doc kept saying I may have only lost one and my numbers could go back up! Well I was right they didnt they were at 29.. we were devistated! I was released from the hospital and told to go home and wait to bleed! ughh it took a week but I finally blead! That was harder yet!

However I am a christian and I know God has a plan for me! I trust that he will heal my womb as he did Hannahs and that he will fullfill my desire to be a mother! I believe fully that he would not have given me that disire if he didnt intend on making me one!

So while we wait for the doctors say on our next step we are charting and using the clearplan! I want to see if I could ov on my own. they say that a woman is more fertile after a m/c so if thats true I wonder if it would hold up for me too!